Loving the Fool
“I must learn to love the fool in me — the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. it alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” ~ Theodore I. Rubin MD
One year ago today I started my first blog. My own blog that is. I had been working “behind the scenes” on a friend’s blog for a year prior to launching Polliwog’s Pond.
Before all this, I had a journal on LiveJournal that about 40-50 people had access too. There were no public posts, so I don’t consider that a blog. I left LJ when I started all this blogging hoo-hah. On my public blog I was never able to write as openly and honestly as I’d been able to on the journal. Primarily because of my children, and because if I’d been completely transparent about the events of the last few years, it would have affected them in a very negative way.
I also left behind some truly good friends on LJ. I’ve been fortunate to make a few out here in the blogosphere (I hope you know who you are), but I’ve also been used, taken advantage of, and hurt by bloggers who claimed to be “friends” but didn’t really know the meaning of the word.
I’ve been trying to devote more time to getting the life I want. That has involved a lot more social activities, time with friends and family (all live off this Island so it’s a bit of a logistical nightmare to plan things), and making some important decisions about my marriage and my relationship with my husband.
This also means I have started back up my private journal on LiveJournal. I will be writing there the things which I cannot (or don’t want to) write about here on a public blog.
These changes have all been very good for me. But what to do with my blog? I don’t want to kill it. I also don’t want it to sit here lonely and neglected. And it is neglected right now. I think I’ll just sit on it for awhile and see if I can work it back into my life in a way that is beneficial for me and others. I have some ideas on directions I’d like to go. I just need to settle on one idea and make it happen.
I’ll definitely be blogging about this upcoming event. On April 30th, the thing I have been waiting for, for about oh 26 years, is going to happen. I’m going to go see Duran Duran in concert!!! I can’t believe it’s happening. I’m going to be hoarse from screaming. I’m going with my brother and his awesome wife. Pinch me!!!
I hope you’ll stick with me, the people I’ve grown to care about here and continue to read your blogs. If you’re on LiveJournal, let me know, there are a handful of you out there I would give access to my private journal there. I’ll be reworking this blog into a suitable home for myself over the next few months. I hope you’ll join me as I start a new chapter of my life.
In the meantime, I’m going to learn to “love the fool in me.” The parts of me I’ve been fighting for so long and hating about myself.
Well, I know that I am one of many on LJ who have missed you. You have many loyal friends who want the best for you here and on LJ.
May I give you a big WOO HOO for finally getting to see Duran Duran in concert. It is going to be fabulous. Enjoy wholeheartedly!
Out of all the 80’s bands I expected to survive, Duran Duran was not one of them.
As for the blog and honesty, you are very limited when it comes to friends and family. As a rule I avoid including them in my posts, and if I do I make fictional relatives if it is disparaging.
This way if say my uncle reads it, he knows that we don’t have a crazy midget relative that likes to headbutt people in the groin. On my blog I might, but not in real life.
Good luck with your LJ page and don’t be a stranger
Chris C’s last blog post..The ABZ Fraternity: My April Fools Prank
I probably share way more personal stuff in my blog than I should, but I understand exactly what you’re saying. As you get things ironed out in your personal life know that you are thought of often and prayers are being offered for everything to turn out well. I’m not on LJ, but you have my e-mail if you just want to vent.
You are a such a great asset wherever you are, my Dear Paula!
I feel your heart in this post…
I commend you for taking the steps to devote more time to the life you want. Life is way too short for regrets and misgivings.
I’ve been in transition, too. I don’t know. Could it be a Spring thing? Probably not…
Just know, wherever you are, and whenever you are there, I will be there with you.
Thanks for being my Friend!
Robin Lee Sardini’s last blog post..The Power Of Love
I used to have an LJ eons ago. I wonder if it still works? ;P
Whether you post once a day or once every blue moon, you’ll always be a fixture in my reader. Take your time, do your thing and worry about all the more important stuff first. Blogging will still be here when you get back, and so will all your friends
Mike’s last blog post..I am indeed feeling the burn
Growing up in the 80s, I like Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet. They came up about the same time. I’ve never seen them live. Hope you enjoy the concert.
Trish’s last blog post..Asia’h Epperson on American Idol Gives Back?
I can’t tell you how important and perfectly timed your opening quote was. Thank you very much, and I’m so glad I stumbled upon you through EntreCard.
Blog writing started out as a way to get myself into the habit of writing. It turned into an odyssey I never imagined. And I’ve made some great friends, three of whom just visited me here in Paris on Easter. Self expression is important in the process of learning to love our unique selves. And so is protecting ourselves and our families. I’m not sure I do a good job of that, hiding out in relative obscurity.
I enjy your writing and I look forward to more.
Omyword!’s last blog post..My Pajamas Need A Good Washing
Don’t sweat it, Paula. Like Mike said above, blog once a day, once a week or every 3 months. Doesn’t matter to me. Thanks to blog readers, it’s super easy to see when you’ve updated a post, and you know your loyal readers will jump right back as soon as you have something to say.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a rough time personally the past year or so. I hope it all works out for you, though. And writing on a more private type journal should at least help you get your thoughts out. And maybe those true friends who read it and comment back to you can help you make the right decisions too.
As for Duran Duran, hah. “Hungry Like the Wolf” is still one o’ my favs.
Andrew’s last blog post..Mock Rock and Roll